"It wasn't the meth that put me in the ER, man. It was trying to wrestle that horse."

I love The Onion (from whence today's headline came), but not half as much as I love the Onion A.V. Club. Today's edition is a doozy, especially the list of 14 Exceptionally Memorable Movie Robots. (They totally passed over the robots from Disney's The Black Hole, but other than that it's cool.) Also of note is the Matisyahu interview. At first I thought the idea of a Hasidic reggae artist was a bit gimmicky, but the guy seems very genuine. I still don't care for the music itself, but it's hard not to respect someone this articulate about music:

"As a kid, you heard music, you saw musicians, and it gave you a sense of hope. You heard a song, and you felt that that song understood you, that there was someone else who knew what you were going through as a youth, as a person, as a being. Music has the ability to heal, that ability to give a person hope. To give a person courage and strength, and a certain outlook on the world they live in. A song is a means to take all these separate things, different instruments, different notes, and you string them together and you harmonize, and you make it all come together into one thing.

In a certain sense, that's what the world is like. It's this world of lots of distinctions and lots of little details. The idea in Judaism, really, is that it's all one. All part of the same song. When a person listens to a good song, and they can look out at the world and their lives and see the dark and the light, the negative and the positive, all the different elements, all come together in one holistic poem, that is a very healing and very reductive thing, and that's what my music is about. Trying to give that to people."

Retarded Entertainment News Updates

Speaking of meth, hyperactive comedy tornado Jack Black eloped with a girl he met in high school. Even better, I almost went to that high school. Dodged a bullet there... it's a "performing arts" school, which means today I would probably be a disgruntled waiter.

And speaking of marriage, Michael Douglas apparently went on a wee tirade about other celebrities' marriages/romances (including Brangelina) and what a sham they are... then the cantankerous old cuss went home to his incredibly hot wife who's a mere 25 years his junior. Physician, heal thyself!!

Everyone knows NBC's Joey sitcom is dead weight, but this quote from a recent ratings wrap-up is ultra-priceless: "Perhaps NBC should have kept Joey locked in the basement. That way, the sitcom would have been spared the indignity of running fifth in its new Tuesday home behind shows on Fox, CBS, ABC and Univision, home of the Spanish-language telenovela, Contra Viento Y Marea." Tu eres un perdador muy grande, Tribiani.

Finally, if you haven't read John Lydon's two-fingers-in-the-air "Official announcement from the Sex Pistols regarding the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame," you probably should. Lydon to the core; self-aggrandizing, semi-articulate, and utterly fucking hilarious.